Blabbering nonsense; This is me.

I think its amazing how satisfied someone can feel when they see a first love happy. I suppose that's how you know you really loved them, huh?

I love my family first and foremost. My friends mean the world to me. Don't offer me your jelly beans unless you want me to eat them all. I stand up for myself and what I believe in. I LOVE playing basketball. I only have time for people who live in integrity with themselves. I would have 20 babies if my body and husband could handle that. I love getting flowers for no reason at all. If it didn't make me so bloated I would eat pasta every day. Laughing is a daily must. I say "I love you." 100 times a day. I also refuse to take any of them back. Girls days are my sanity saver. However, I miss my babies and hubby profusely while I'm away. I sometimes lose my temper, but I find it quickly. I love writing and day dreaming. Singing into my hair brush, in my underwear, dancing around my bathroom happens more often than I'd like to admit. Chocolate is better rich, but I'll take peanut butter M&M's over truffles. I work for my daddy, and take my babies with me. I wouldn't have it any other way. Music explains my feelings most days. My favorite word is "Teehee", and I drive like a crazy lady. I'm random and mostly crazy, but not in an insane way. I've decided to face my largest fear. Snowboarding. Now to get the gear! Watching my children learn and grow is thoroughly amazing to me. I don't have a filter between my brain and my mouth. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love Sundays, long walks, cuddling, eating frosting straight from the jar, laughing, flip flips, and pedicures. I love getting my nails done, and getting all dressed up. My odd collection of shoes includes red peep toe heels and bright green converse. I have no idea what my natural hair color is. I want to get my lip re-pierced. Tomorrow is just another day, but it's the beginning of the rest of my life...so I shall make it count with a smile, a hug and more love than I know what to do with. I love snow, but I hate the cold. Summer is my favorite. I know I should wear sunscreen but there is something lovely about that first sunburn of the season. This is me.

To: Me

Dear Me,

You haven't been your self lately and you have me worried. You cry for no reason. You yell a lot and you don't make much sense. It's time to get your act together. Take a chill pill. One day at a time is all that is required. You keep over analyzing things. Stop it. It doesn't matter.

You'll be fine soon enough. In fact, you're already fine. You just don't know it yet. These circumstances are temporary. Everything is temporary. Hold on to God. Hold on to what you love. Even if it's not tangible. Remember that you are His. Remember that this too shall pass. And Remember to take time for yourself. You're important, too. And if you don't care for yourself, you won't be able to take care of those around you. So take a freaking break!

You don't need to fix this. You can't fix this. You can be loving, and supportive, and kind. You can be there for the ones you love. You are only one person. You're strong and confident, but this doesn't mean you can make everything all better by the time the sun goes down.

Once again, take it one day at a time. Relax a little. You'll be glad you did. You'll be a much more enjoyable person to be around once you do.

I love you.

Love,
Me

A Happy Birthday

Janice-May turned one this past weekend. It's been a crazy, stressful year full of blessings, miracles and challenges. But this isn't about that. It is about a beautiful baby girl. So here goes.

I can't understand how much love a parents can have for their children. Even through the challenging moments. Or perhaps that is what enables us to love them so very much. Jayme slept so sporadically I thought I was going to go crazy. Just when I was on the verge of losing is, she quit nursing. After days of trying, and after unending tears and frustration, I finally switched her to a bottle. I suppose it was a blessing in disguise. Jon and I switched off night time feedings for awhile. I got to catch up on my sleep a bit.

She started to sleep through the night not long after we put her on a bottle. On those rare nights she wakes up, Jon is kind enough to get up with her. I told him since I was pregnant with her for 9 months and since she was attached to my mammary glands for 3 months, he could handle a few midnight feedings. I'm thankful for a husband who doesn't see babies as 'womans work'.

And this beautiful little red head seems to have never outgrown her 'colic'. They said she would settle down around 4 or 5 months old, but nope. Maybe it just that red haired temper coming out. Some days I just wanna scream. But I don't really mind. I'm realizing she won't be tiny forever. One day she will be just as busy as her big brother and won't have time for so many mommy cuddles.

Watching her grow and learn just amazes me. I suppose I talk on the phone too much, since she has mastered how to put the phone [or anything that resembles a phone] to her ear and says "Hi!!" She says "Yay" "Wow" "Uh oh" and some variation of "kitty". I can't say it, but somehow we know exactly what she's talking about. It's rather cute.

I'm looking forward to obtaining enough patience and wisdom to get to her adult years with both of us still alive.

Just minutes old.

With Mama. One day old.

And now a full year old

I did it!

Over the past few weeks my life has been completely turned upside down. I'm convincing myself that I will be a stronger woman, when I reach the other side of this experience. There are too many details to share at this time and I'm not quite rational enough right now to share them. However, I finally did it. I got my dragonfly tattoo. [When it's healed up a bit I will share a picture] Its a sketch of a dragonfly emerging from a cluster of shooting stars. It is on my left shoulder blade. It's beautiful and everything I hoped it would be. The artist pretty much read my mind.

Why the dragonfly? It represents so much of what I feel in my life right now. The ability to adapt in any given situation. Strength. The sense of self that comes with maturity. Change. Prosperity. Swiftness. Peace. Purity. Harmony. And as a dragonfly lives a short life, it knows it must live its life to the fullest with the short time it has - which is a lesson for all of us.

And why the shooting stars? Every time it feels like I can't keep moving forward. Every time it feels like I'm stuck in the mud and I can't do anything about it, I see a star shooting across the sky. It has become my sign from God that I am His child and He does hold me near to Him always.

I am clinging to Him more than ever during these times. I find myself, so often, fretting about what tomorrow will bring. But just as often, I hear that small, sure voice telling me it's not time to give up, and it's not time to worry. For He knows all, and He will bring the most tremendous blessing out of this challenging time.

This tattoo will be an ever present reminder of this.