We are not talking about Miss Janice-May. We're talking about Miss Mary.
[Oh, shut your face...anybody that spends time around toddlers talks about themselves in the third person. Keep up.]
Yes, the last couple of weeks I have been increasingly crabby. Isaiah has told me, a number of times, to use my big girl voice, and to go to my room until I can be happy.
Anyway...the reason for all this crabbiness?
A year has passed. It's been over 365 days since that fateful day. And the pain is still there. Full blown. Some how the holiday season just magnifies it.
I'm not sure I believe the pain ever faded. I just learned how to cope, and keep myself busy, and occupied, filling voids wherever I could. But right now, I feel empty and raw. All my emotions are exposed. One wrong word, or glance sends me into a cascade of tears and anger.
Letting it go seems impossible. However, I'm beginning to think that letting it go doesn't mean the hurt will subside. It just means learning from it. Taking the anger and everything else, somehow turning it into something positive. "How?" You ask...yeah, I'll let you know as soon as I do.
I am indescribably thankful for all I do have. My husband, children, family and friends. I cherish them more than ever before. However, 4 empty spots remain. Their edges burn and ache, and I'm accepting that they will do so until they are filled once again. I am also so very thankful that it gets easier with each passing day.
But for now, I am crabby. And guess what? That's okay. I won't be crabby much longer. I promise.
