My dearest Jayme

You're four and a half months old now. You are more stunning than any baby I've ever seen. It's almost painful. You're growing so fast it's simply heart shattering. I can't think of another phrase to describe it. Your smile lights up my mornings...and quite frankly, every other part of my day. Your cries break my heart, but there's nothing in this world compared to making you feel all better.

Another thing that's broken my heart: You've weened yourself from 'mommy juice'. I miss it dearly. I would almost want to HAVE to ween you later on. But it's okay...really. It gives me a chance to 'let' daddy give you those rare midnight feedings. You sleep through the night nearly every night now. Thank you.

According to just about everyone that sees you, your blue eyes are going to get you into trouble. I'm pretty sure I can wait for that though.

Your big brother is insistent on not letting you lay on your tummy. He gives me and daddy dirty looks, sighs, and then proceeds to flip you over. Maybe that's why you haven't learned to roll over yet. It's rather adorable how he watches out for you. Do me a huge favor and don't be too mean to him while you're growing up.

You're eating baby food now. Usually 3-5 ounces at each sitting. Little chubbins!! You light up my lfe. Oh, how I love you.

Little Wonders

by Rob Thomas

Let it go
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain

Let it slide
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine,
Till you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These small hours
Still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away somehow
But I cannot forget
the way I feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists and turns of fate
Yeah, these twisted turns of fate
Time falls away
Yeah, but these small hours,
These small hours
Still remain


This song perfectly describes how I feel about my life, right now. All these little moments define the beauty I live in every day. Watching Isaiah learn and mature by the moment. Watching Jayme giggle, smile and grow (grow so much!!). It feels like I might explode from being so incredibly happy, if that's even possible. It feels like my love hasn't split in two, but doubled...or maybe tripled. It feels like I'm oozing love and happiness.

I am...

I am a mother.

I am a sister.

I am a daughter.

I am a wife.

I am a lover.

I am an accountant.

I am a best friend.

I am a housekeeper.

I am a listener.

I am a reader.

I am a song writer.

I am an athlete.

I am emotional.

I am sometimes irrational.

I am whoever I choose to be.

I am whoever I need to be.

I am whoever I want to be.

Please tell me you saw that stop sign!!!

While driving to work this morning 3 different people pulled out in front of us. Three! Seriously?! Am I invisible, or is that stop sign invisible? Gah! The first incident was on our road. Even if there was an accident we're both going like 10 miles an hour. Not too much damage done. The second - a little purple sports car with a dent in the side. I wonder how that dent got there! Not!! Driving 50mph down Mountain Valley would be sure to cause damage. Thank God for touchy brakes! Sheesh! Anyway, the 3rd was just trying to get through traffice...I do it to, but after 2 close calls already I was pretty irritated.

Naomi was with me, since she had slept over the night before. She touched my arm and told me I needed to calm down. I fought the severe urge to rip her arm off and got a hold of myself while thinking "Don't swear, Don't cry, Pull yourself together." After I relaxed a little Naomi told me that the universe is teaching me to be patient. I fought another urge to rip her arm off. I love her. I really do. Just not a fan of having someone telling me exactly what I'm supposed to hear. It seems easier to just be ticked off. It's really not for the record. Thank you, Naomi, for getting in my face. I'm glad I didn't rip your arm off. I love you.

I am a grown up now

"How did this happen and how do I make it stop!?!?" That's how I felt about growing up for a long time. I just wanted to stay a kid forever. Eating Potato chips and ice cream every time I got upset was pretty much routine...and funny enough, I always felt better. Until about 3 years ago, coincidentally about the time I got pregnant with Isaiah, the chips and ice cream always settled just fine. Now it's just nauseating. I suppose that's my sign that I need to grow up.

A couple weeks ago, an old friend and her little boy were over. We were sitting there reminiscing about the old days. I recalled one night - We had gone swimming with a group from youth group and then we were going out to eat. No husbands, no houses, no babies, no pets, and, comparatively, no responsibilities. Just best friends and a curfew to meet. What a care-free life!!

We also talked about how it would be nice to know what it was like to live alone. No piles of laundry, no sink full of dishes, and no small children to bathe...oh, and no husbands beckoning our stretch marked bodies.

Then the husbands got off work and joined us for dinner. We laughed, cooked, ate, cleaned, and then of course, bathed our small children. As we lotion-ed up our clean babies, the subject took a huge change. We talked about how much we love our husbands, babies, piles of laundry and dishes, and how fortunate we are to spend every day with the ones we love and cherish, how fortunate we are that our babies are healthy, beautiful, and happy. And about how we wouldn't change a single thing in our richly blessed lives.

Blessings & Curses

Jon was making breakfast this morning with Isaiah watching him from his high chair. Jon has been fighting allergies for a couple days now. He sneezed, mid egg stiring and Isaiah says, using his outside voice, "bless you!" It was so cuuute! I pretty much about burst with pride.

I know kids learn from example, but this totally surprised me. Most things he's does lately are surprising me. He comforts his baby sister, cleans up his toys...and much to my dismay, swears. Where does he pick up these things? Oh yeah...via his mommy stubbing her toe, dropping something, ect. Time to start using code swear words again.

Heros

Who would have thought today's heros would consist of Finding Nemo, Poop, and Coffee? Not I. I suppose that's what the life of a mommy of a toddler and infant consists off. Bodily functions, disney movies and caffiene.

Isaiah decided that nap time is worth fighting with. I don't know why. It's a new development, and an irritating one at that. So we put in Finding Nemo and he eventually gets relaxed enough to pass out. Nap Time VS. Isaiah; Nap time wins via Finding Nemo.

Jayme is somewhat colicky, we think. Her fussing just seems inevitable at times. Alexanna (she does infant massage) worked on her little belly for awhile. She finally took the biggest poop I've ever seen come out of a baby that tiny. I know babies are capable of massive explosions when it comes to diapering, but sheesh!!! She was quite a happy little camper after she was all cleaned up. I guess if I had that much of a poop to take I'd be pretty cranky too.

And where does coffee come in? Oh yeah! I'm so tired I almost forgot.