I Never Thought...

(You'll probably think this is gross so don't say I didn't warn you)



...I could do it, but I did. I encapsulated my placenta. I took 2 capsules twice a day for 3 weeks, then 2 capsules once a day for 3 weeks. I have a few left. I take a couple whenever I'm feeling particularly moody and emotional.

They're a HUGE help. It might be that whole 'you believed it was going to work, so it did' thing. But I don't really care. ; )

After Jayme was born, postpartum bleeding lasted for over 2 months. To be honest, I never thought it would stop. Horrible. I wanted to die....or at least just sleep until it was all over.

This time around, I wasn't going to 'suffer' for 2 months. No way!!

So, I did something society sees as disgusting and borderline cannibalistic. I consumed my own placenta. And it was totally worth it.

Postpartum bleeding only lasted 3 weeks. I was much much less emotionally unstable than with the other two. My moods were more stable. So on and so forth.

I cleaned it, took the sac off, cubed it, and dehydrated it for 12 hours. I then ground it up in a food processor and used an encapsulation machine I found for cheap. I kinda of felt like a drug pusher while I was filling the capsules with placenta powder. Odd. Anyway, I put the finished capsules in a jar and labeled it Happy Mama Pills. And that's exactly what they are. Happy pills.

Do your research before you freak out. Humans, besides whales, are the ONLY mammal that doesn't consume their placenta. Maybe it's because animals are well...animals, or maybe its because animals are smarter than humans. I don't really know. Regardless, I would recommend this to just about anyone.

P.S. If you're really curious, I took pictures. I'm totally fascinated by it...a little grossed out, but mostly fascinated. I'm pretty sure the general public has no desire to see it but, if you want to see the weirdness that is my placenta, I'll totally share pictures.

Madalynne Danielle "Dani" Grider - A Birth Story

The afternoon of April 12th, the sister and I set out on a "lets induce labor" adventure. These things never ever work, so I didn't expect much. I was just finding myself really just done being pregnant.

We walked the rather steep hill by my parents house that we've all dubbed suicide hill. I skipped and hopped my way there and back. When we got back to the house, I bounced on the trampoline for awhile. Then we made a cake with more chocolate than should be legally allowed. Said cake gave me THE worst indigestion I have ever had. EVER. It was awful. 

I went to bed about 10:00 PM with the usual Braxton Hicks contractions. I remember timing them for a bit because they were more intense than usual. I fell asleep, and then woke up at 4:30 AM to a pretty intense contraction. I got up to use the bathroom, and sat there for a good 5 minutes before I realized that I was still  peeing...or so I thought. Yeah, that's not pee. I told Jon my water broke. We timed contractions to see how far apart they were. 4 to 5 minutes, lasting a good 90 seconds each. 

Deb came to watch the older two and we headed in. We got to the hospital around 6. They hooked me up to monitors, and confirmed that my water had indeed broken. I told them my birth "preferences" (birth plans never go exactly as expected.) and they told me the expectations I needed to meet to be able to go down to the birthing center where we could have a water birth. We called our little birth team. Sarah, my Doula, answered the phone with a very hoarse voice. She was sick. Really sick. She wasn't going to make it. We called Alexis, too. She showed up a half hour later with coffee for sleepy Jon. 

While we were waiting for Madalynne to 'behave' the contractions got much more intense. I remember thinking that I sounded like a cow as I breathed through them, Jon holding me up while I swayed back and forth.

Madalynne's heart rate wasn't reacting how they saw necessary to be off the monitors. She wasn't reacting to contractions. At all. Then, her heart rate shot up, then completely dropped off. A few seconds later it picked back up again. But still, no reaction to contractions. Just a very concerned mama.

After a contraction that lasted more than 2 minutes and peaked for a good 30 seconds, with still no reaction from the babe, I decided it would be best for my peace of mind if we kept her on the monitors. Which meant no getting in the tub, and limited mobility. Birth 'preference' spoiled. I was okay with this. My pain levels were getting a bit out of control due to not being able to move much. I hadn't anticipated this. At all.

Now, lets establish that I had previously declared how humorous it would be if my water broke before I went into labor. Let me tell you, it's not funny. Not at all. It's much much more intense due to there being no fluid to cushion the contractions. Madalynne kept stretching, and moving, and doing that retarded neck/head roll thing she does that made the contractions ridiculously more intense than they would have been other wise. So so not funny. 

I told them I would just stay in Labor and Delivery, instead of moving to the birthing center. I wanted to get settled, and they wouldn't let us move down stairs until her heart rate reacted. So we got settled in our room, as the contractions intensified...more, if that's even possible. I asked for an epidural. 

Later, Alexis told me she was surprised I didn't rip Jon's arms or face off. Apparently, I was terrifying. 

After a miserable 20 minutes of trying to get the epidural in, the poor anesthesiologist finally got it set. He was just as frustrated as I was.

And, finally, sweet relief. The nurse checked me, told me I was 6 cm. She brought me jello, a Popsicle, and juice. We rested for awhile. 

I heard the monitors beeping slow quite a bit. Jon walked over and looked at it with a funny look on his face. The nurse came in and made the same face. Greeeeat. 

She says "Lets check you again.....oh wow. Yeah, this baby is coming now!" Apparently, she was already in the birth canal, and her heart rate had dropped pretty significantly. 

They got everything ready. I pushed 4 times, and baby girl was born into her daddy's hands at 11:51 AM on April 13th. He placed her on my chest, and we all cried...except for Madalynne. She just smiled and smiled...and then nursed for literally 2 hours. She weighed 7 pounds and 8 ounces, and was 21 inches long.

Perfection.

All the nurses we had were absolutely wonderful. The Midwives were amazing. My little birth team was incredible. I wouldn't change a thing.

As for her name. Most of you know she's named after my brother, Daniel. Danielle didn't seem to fit as a first name, but both Jon and I LOVE Madalynne. So Madalynne Danielle.

We were debating nicknames, since several people have already started to call her Maddie. Every time I hear "Maddie" I think of someone with matted hair. I don't know why. Anyway, We thought about several nicknames. All of them were kind of a stretch, and none of them seemed to fit her very well.

Then Alexis suggested Dani. Since she's named after Daniel, I found this pretty appropriate. Also, she looks like a "Dani" to me.

So if any of you feel the need to call her something besides Madalynne, please feel free to call her Dani, : )

And Then There Were Three...

The first month of being a mom of three has proven itself emotional, fulfilling, stressful, amazing, beautiful, frustrating, exhausting, and last but not least, pretty darn perfect.

Sleepless nights have left me tearful, although not sad.

Time with the older two is more precious than ever.

My husband has blessed me in ways I never thought possible. He provides for me in ways I didn't realize that I even needed.

Housework has, somewhat, fallen to the back burner. Bookkeeping and data entry isn't getting done as soon as before. And dinner is rarely planned, usually consisting of last minute brilliance.

Some days, I don't get dressed, I don't put any make up on, and I don't do my hair.

Some days we're lucky I brush my teeth, and put deodorant on.

And I'm realizing that, that is most definitely OK.

These days are short lived. Knowing this makes me a bit sad...and a bit relieved. It feels balanced.

As the routine of having 3 gets a little more solid, I'll be writing more. There is so much I want to write about, yet I'm struggling to find the time.

Just So Everyone Knows...

...I have an amazing husband. He has been getting up with the kids, getting them breakfast, and making coffee just so I can get a few extra minutes of shut eye. He has put up with my mood swings, my unfiltered comments about anything and everything, sleepless night, thanks to my tossing and turning, and so many other things that would just take too long to list. I'm surprised he hasn't flown the coop, some days. And let me tell you...there is just about nothing hotter than a guy that mops and does dishes. Except for a man that doesn't mind painting my toenails, because it's horribly uncomfortable for me to do it myself.

I love this man of mine.

In other news; baby girl is still cooking...thankfully. In exactly one week, she'll be allowed to come out. Not that I could really make her stay in there. Just to be clear, I'm not completely crazy. (Hold all arguments on that one, please.)

I'm getting closer and closer to everything being done and ready for Madalynne. You know...since she'll totally notice if the carpets aren't clean. Heh.

Hospital registration is done. I picked up the car seat. All the baby clothes have been washed. The bassinet is all set up and ready. The hospital bags are packed. Mostly. There are a few freezer meals prepared. I've had a pedicure and a manicure (YAY!!).

Now for a few more weeks...more or less, left to be a mommy of just two.

34 Weeks

35.5 Weeks. 

Belly Henna!! 

To Have A Baby

As a woman nears the end of pregnancy, one of the most frequently asked questions is "what's your birth plan?"

Well, mine is to have a baby. What's yours??

Most of you probably know that Isaiah's labor and delivery was not at all what we planned for. We planned for a home birth with a midwife, a doula, and a few close friends. I wanted a water birth. I wanted to be at home.

After nearly 30 hours of intense labor with very little progress, my labor stalled. They couldn't break my water, I was throwing up, my blood pressure was going up, and our birth team, and Jon and I were completely worn out.

We ended up at the hospital. After 8 hours, an epidural, pitocin, 2 and a half hours of pushing, and, only by a miracle, dodging a c-section, our beautiful baby boy was finally born.

I wasn't mad, irritated, or upset with my birth plan 'failing'. I know it happened how it happened for a reason. Isaiah is alive. I am alive. That's the goal we were working towards. Even if we didn't get there how we thought we would. We got there.

With Jayme we planned a hospital birth with really no expectations. Early labor was intense and exhausting. Active labor was short. They wanted to monitor the baby because she was a bit early. I couldn't stand sitting still for this. So another epidural...but this one didn't work. Not the worst pain I've ever experienced but it definitely wasn't a picnic. I pushed 3 times, and had a teeny tiny baby in my arms.

This time around, the question has started popping up again.

Ideally, I'd love a water birth with no pain medications. However, sometimes things don't go how we plan for them to or how we think they will.

So my birth plan is only this. To have a baby. Madalynne Danielle will be here soon. She'll be in my arms, and my heart will get that 'I love you so much my heart might actually explode' feeling all over again. She'll be perfect and lovely and exactly as she is supposed to be.

And I will have had a baby. Wither completely natural, intervened by medication, or if I have a c-section. I will have had a baby.

Temper Tantrum

Disclaimer; this post is going to sound selfish, harsh, and pretty much horrible. Excuse my temper tantrum.

Sometimes is thoroughly amazes me how when your life is hitting the rocks, everything is going wrong, and pretty much just sucking, people freaking fly the coop. They leave...but not before causing even more damage. And then when things are looking up, and your life is overflowing with blessings, excitement and changes, they suddenly pop back in, expecting to be welcomed back with forgiveness and open arms. Pouring out apologies, and "I miss you" in an attempt to repair the damage they've done.

I'm sorry...maybe it's just me, but if you were really sorry, and if you really cared, you would have apologized oh, I don't know...like a couple years ago.

So pardon me, if I'm not all giddy with excitement with the thought of having them back in my life. Like, I don't think so. My wounds from the last time have scarred up and have started to fade away. I'm not interested in having that relationship back. I'd rather swallow hot coals, at this point. My family has been burned a few too many times, and I'm not interested in opening the door up for another chance at being hurt by the same person...again. Noooo, thank you.

I don't have enough grace for that right now. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I WANT the grace for that...ever. Maybe I'm turning into a callous person, or maybe I'm just being smart about it. I'm not really sure.

I believe in second chances, and forgiveness. But I don't believe in putting my emotional well being, my family, and my pretty chill, mostly stress free life on the line to renew a relationship that never benefited me, before.

Now, before you I go further, I would like to say that I have indeed forgiven, and I'm not angry. However, I'm having a hard time knowing if I should open this door back up. Be cordial and sweet, blah blah blah...and just not bring the relationship back to what it was? Or do I completely slam the door shut? Lock it and throw the key away.

I've never thought of myself as a mean person. But I also don't put up with bull crap. I don't want or need any drama in my life. My time and energy is much better directed to my children, and to bettering myself and the relationships that benefit me on the daily. This feels a bit selfish. So maybe, I need to change my attitude.

And I know that I've been hypocritical in how I handle relationships of my own. It's sometimes much easier to just throw in the towel, then trying to fix things.

For now, I just need to pray, and keep my mouth shut so I don't say anything I'd regret. Making a hasty reply has never been a wise choice in the past, so I'm sure it wouldn't be right now, either.

Regardless, I'm not deciding yet. I haven't made a decision, and I don't feel the need to, yet. It feels like God will show me, either way. I'll know, without a doubt, what I'm supposed to do.

Temper Tantrum over.

I Did WHAT??

While explaining to my midwife why walking, sitting, driving, moving, and of course, trying very carefully to get on the exam table was so immensely painful, she made a few concerned noises, and a few 'why in the world would you do that???' faces.

After the exam she told me she's pretty sure I dislocated my pelvis.

I'm sorry. What???

Well that sure explains a lot.

No freaking wonder I want to saw off the lower half of my body.

I knew all this swelling, bruising and down right excruciating pain couldn't be normal. They say you forget all the pregnancy pains and what not after the baby is born, but I'm beyond sure THIS pain didn't happen during my other pregnancies.

I mean...I think I'll be fine for labor and delivery, but can I have that epidural for the remainder of my pregnancy?? PLEASE?!?!

If narcotics were a wise choice....well, I'd be all over that one. But they aren't, so here we sit. In pain...or discomfortableness (whatever). Debating on wither I should take a heat pack, or an ice pack to bed.

Sweet cheeses.

My so sweet midwife suggested I try a massage, and if that doesn't help put things back where they should be, I should go see a chiropractor. And for the love of all things, no heavy lifting (including housework), lots of mild stretching, plenty of rest, and Tylenol if needed. Well crap. Two children, 5 and under, and I'm supposed to take it easy? Shoulda been a comedian. Heh.

You mean to tell me, that the last 2 months of pregnancy aren't going to be a living hell?? There's relief for this nonsense? Yeeeah, buddy!!

So, Saturday I have a massage scheduled. I'm beyond excited....not that I have such a painful reason to receive a massage. But excited that my sore tired body has some relief in the near future. At least temporary relief.

Otherwise, Madalynne is doing great! She's head down, still, with her back to my left side and her feet jabbed into my right ribs.

When she stretches out, we can distinctively distinguish the length of her oh so tiny feet. Makes my heart happy. And her feet are ticklish...that or she just really hates them being touched.

She moves the most when I'm doing dishes. Favorite. :)

I was lucky enough to be able to do a little shopping, today. I'm much more comfortable (and okay with being pregnant for, quite possibly, 2 more months) with some clothes that fit better. So so lovely.

And, I'm pretty sure I might be breaking out the flip flops for spring!!