Half Time Show!!

Yes! We are half way there! Tiny Tot is measuring big for his/her gestational age. I kinda just hope they keep my due date the same so if the baby is born early it will seem like I was pregnant for a shorter amount of time. If that doesn't make sense to you, you probably haven't had a baby. ; ) Just kidding...nothing going on in my mind makes sense to me, so I doubt it will to anybody else.

I had my first bout of restless leg syndrome. Obnoxious. I've been exercising like crazy, so hopefully that will keep it under control.

On the mornings when I eat a super nutritious breakfast, some how seem to be the same mornings when morning sickness makes it's re-appearance. Lame sauce.

Our gender reveal ultrasound was last week, but the gender shall remain unknown until Christmas.

The belly continues to grow, although maternity clothes still just look retarded. Also obnoxious.

As sit here on the couch writing this, I've come to the realization that there is a sippy cup balanced oh so delicately on my belly. Thanks, Jayme.

We haven't talked at all about the kids being there when the baby is born, nor do I desire to have them witness that at such a young age. Anyway...Isaiah tells me the other day "I don't want to be there when you push the baby out. It would make my ears bleed."

We've decided on a boy name and a girl name. Finally. I know we still have plenty of time, but it just seems more real when there is a name picked out.

Vitamin E oil has been a savior when it comes to all that itchiness. I'm pretty sure I use half a cup of lotion on The Bump every night.

Here are some pictures of the baby and belly.

19 weeks

20 weeks

Tiny Tot 20 weeks

21 weeks

Stay tuned...the gender will be announced in less than 2 weeks!!

Simple Fix

The last several months, even before I was pregnant, I've been struggling quite a bit with lower back pain, hip tightness, and those infamous stomach cramps while running. It had been awhile since I had the cramps. And I figured the back and hip pain just meant I wasn't in very good shape. 

While perusing on the beloved Pinterest, I saw this picture of a rather fit lady, in a skimpy bikini with a red circle drawn around her stomach. The text said something about ending the low stomach pooch...

You'd think that being pregnant I wouldn't care about it, but I still look constantly for ways to improve. Wither now or later. So I thought "Eh...I'll check it out."

I was surprised it wasn't another one of those 'lets do 490 crunches and sit ups EVERY SINGLE DAY! Twice a day!' kind of things. 

The answer was simple. Tight hip flexors. Huh...fancy that. I bet that explains the hip pain.

They talk about an anterior pelvic tilts, and exaggerated lumbar curves. And that explains the lower back pain. 

There was a video on how to stretch your hip flexors.

Pregnancy has amplified all these 'symptoms', so I figured I'd give it a go. 

Just a few days into doing these stretches twice a day has made a HUGE difference! I have high hopes on being able to run more than half a mile without excruciating pain. I'll admit, the first couple of days made my lower back, and obliques sore in ways I didn't think they could be sore. That's probably has a lot to do with being pregnant, though. 

And with the hips where they're supposed to be, I'm sitting correctly, so that has helped with the lower back pain quite a bit too! I'm impressed. 

I suppose I'll do further research on stretching hip flexors. 

Here's the link. Check it out! 

One Exercise To End “Lower Belly Pooch”

Growing, Growing, Growing...

The bump is expanding. A complete stranger asked me when I'm due. I suppose that means, I actually look pregnant now. Woo!!

15 weeks

16 weeks

18 weeks

The morning sickness is totally gone now. Or so, I think. Heh! I haven't puked in almost 2 weeks. Yay!!

Baby had hiccups for the first time during week 17. 

During week 18, Jon felt baby kick! 

Tomorrow ends week 19 and begins week 20, and we have another baby check up. We'll schedule our next ultrasound, too! 

Any guesses on the gender??

According to the ring test (google it) it's a girl....and Jon is fairly convinced it's a girl. Both kids say it's a girl, too...but they might have had a little coaching from dad. ; )

This pregnancy is producing it's more than fair share of Braxton Hicks contractions. I keep telling myself it means my labor and delivery will be nice and short. We shall see.

My belly button is doing this weird popping out thing...but I can pop it back in. Gross, right? I'm pretty sure it's a little hernia, but from everything I've read, it will most likely go away after baby is born. Again, we shall see. It's rather painful, but there isn't much we can do about it right now.

If you are a man...or if you are in any way easily grossed out, you might not want to read this next part.

So...6 weeks of postpartum bleeding and miserableness, plus possible depression, and the unavoidable baby blues seems a bit extreme to me. What if there was a way to lessen all that...if not avoid some of it completely?

Ah, but there is. And it's not a new discovery. Just one that hasn't been exactly...um...accepted by American people.

Placenta consumption.

Believe me...I was as freaked out as I know you are right now, when I first heard about it. Nasty! Bloody, disgusting grossness! But wait until you read this article. The benefits more than outweigh any disgusting-ness. If you haven't had a baby yet, you might not think so. But for all you veteran moms out there...this seems like an obvious fix to me.

The Benefits of Placenta Encapsulation for Postpartum Healing

After doing a bunch of research, I've decided to pay a handsome fee to have my placenta encapsulated with herbs, by a professional. God knows I won't want to touch it...ever. Neither will I have the energy to do so after pushing a human out my lady bits.

Back to the happy, fun stuff.

In other news; we enjoyed a fabulous trip to San Diego this past week. Jon's brother, Joshua, graduated from Marine Boot Camp. The whole family drove out for his graduation, and other fun stuff, as well. Thanksgiving on the beach was pretty fabulous!!

Well, that's all for now.

I hope I didn't gross you out, too much. ; ) 

Peanut butter and I are undergoing a trial separation.

Bananas are on probation.

Avocados now have a clean record.

I've developed 2 new stretch marks. We'll leave their where about unknown.

The toilet is always super super clean, since we're spending a ridiculous amount of time together.

I've acquired a sudden addiction to tea. Iced, sweetened, unsweetened, herbal, caffeine free, caffeinated, fruit flavored. Morning, noon, and night. Don't worry...I'm drinking lots of water, too.

We were sitting on the couch, when Isaiah so sweetly snuggled up next to me and put his hand on my 'starting to look pregnant instead of just chubby' belly. Made me tear up a bit.

I wasn't entirely sure Jayme understood everything that's going on. Then, she ran up to me, lifted my shirt and said "Heeeey, baby!" Either she's nicknamed my belly, or she's absorbing the fact that there really is a baby growing in there.

Picking names, this time, has become a bit of a challenge. Taking into consideration cruel jokes, and mean nicknames, we're a bit stumped. Family names are a no go. Very much loved names are taken by super cute babies we see on a regular basis. There are a few we love, but well...it's just hard to pick a name that you and your child will live with for the rest of their lives.

I was, however, informed that the reason it's hard to pick a name this time, is because the two best names are already taken. Noted. : )

In other news;

The kids find it HILARIOUS! to put the cat in the bathtub with them. Regardless of my attempts to keep the kitten out of the bathroom, the little booger sits faithfully by the tub while his tiny human masters get all clean. He, however, really hates being IN the tub.

After a really tasty dinner of roast and veggies, Jayme tells me "That was a good dinner, mom!" Isaiah says "Yeah, thanks for dinner!" Makes me smile.

Last night, while we were driving home, the kids were talking about our house hold pets. Isaiah says "We have 2 dogs and 2 cats...and 1 fish. That makes 5 pets!!" Yes, my super smart boy. It sure does!

Due Date

We have an official due date, folks!

April 23rd, 2013

I know, I know. Very few babies are actually born on their due dates. I'd really rather they didn't. Isaiah was born 1 1/2 weeks early. Janice-May was born 3 weeks early. Early is fine with me, as long as we make it until at least 36 weeks. 38 weeks would be preferable.

We had a check up, today. Everything is looking A-okay. I lost a little weight but the midwife isn't too worried. She has given me instructions to eat lots of healthy fats...and ice cream. Yeeeah!

13 weeks

14 weeks

I'm still wearing regular clothes, most of the time. Maternity clothes are just all bunchy and frumpy, right now. My pants don't zip hardly at all anymore, though. My belly band has been such a trooper.

The nausea is mostly gone, as long as I eat every 2 to 3 hours. The puking hasn't stopped, though. How odd. Coffee is still pretty gross, although, I keep trying it to see if I like it again.

Isaiah, frequently, rubs the bump. He asks me daily if he can feel the baby move yet. Jayme is just thoroughly amused by how 'jiggly' my tummy is. Thanks, kid.

Jon has been more of a help than I could ask for. Cooking when I'm too tired, and doing laundry when I don't notice he needs clean work shirts. One particular day, I was feeling super awful. He came home to make lunch for the kids and I. Then, he brought Subway home for dinner. Such a good man.

I'm fairly certain the baby is part jumping bean. Although, the movements aren't super firm yet, it's still incredible.

All in all, it's going well.

Oooh! In other news, we 'adopted' a super cute new kitten. We've decided to call him Teagan. He's rather adorable. He's very tolerant of the kiddos, and he's a GREAT hunter. The neighbors that live behind us said he's a stray. They took him in for awhile, but her husband and other cat didn't get along with the kitten, so they put him back outside. He wandered into our yard, a couple of weeks ago. Jon and both kids fell in love with him right away. Caloughan plays with him quite a bit. Rocky really couldn't care less about another cat in the house. Even Teddy doesn't hate him...completely.

Teagan

Oh, Baby!

"Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be." - Carrie Fisher

Coffee is disgusting. And so is tuna, and spaghetti. And avocado.

It's official. I'm a hormone souffle. A hormone smorgasbord. There is a pea in my pod.

I am growing a tiny human.

Several weeks ago, just in time for our fifth wedding anniversary, we found out we are pregnant with baby #3! I know you're wondering...most everyone is asking. Yes, it was planned. No, it wasn't an accident. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl...actually, we're kinda hoping for a puppy (just kidding...but in all seriousness, either gender is just perfectly fine).

We had our first appointment with the new midwife, last week. She found the heart beat, but it took awhile. Baby just kept moving away from the doppler. Little stinker. Isaiah got to go to the appointment with me. He is soooo excited he got to hear Baby!! He is super into all this baby stuff.

This week, we had our first ultrasound just to make sure everything is A-Okay and to get a closer guesstimate on the due date. Both kids got to go! They didn't care about it much during the actual appointment, but now they're pretty obsessed with the pictures. Isaiah says baby looks like a monkey. And Jayme says baby looks like a dragon.

Baby is strong and healthy. Super active during the ultrasound. Its heart beat is around 160bpm. The ultrasound tech said I'm measuring 12 weeks and 2 days. But my cycle dates say I'm 11 weeks and 2 days. I have another appointment in a couple of weeks. We'll get a final due date then.

little stinker #3

With my first two pregnancies, I didn't start showing until at least the 2nd trimester. And at that point it just looked like I'd eaten a bunch of Mexican food.

This time, I swear, my hips (and other things) popped out as soon as that second line on the pregnancy test appeared. All things stretchy, and with elastic waist bands are my very faaavorite. Sweats are awesome...so are yoga pants. I suck it up and wear my stretchiest jeans when I have to go out. They don't stay buttoned for long.

I've heard that after a couple of pregnancies, your body just knows what to do. However, I still find it a little ridiculous that I have a pooch already, but whatever. I'm growing a human. ; )

bump at 11 weeks (or 12 weeks according to the ultrasound)

All these insane hormones have turned me into a bit of a first trimester monster. I've pretty much turned myself into a recluse until my emotions balance out a little. Nobody comes over, and I barely go out. Mainly because I do not want to subject more people than absolutely necessary to my violent mood swings. It's horrifying to me....and my tiny humans.

I asked Isaiah to please remind me to be nice when I get crabby. He's such a great kid. He'll tell me "Mom...I don't like it when you're cranky." or "Please, be sweet, mom."

He also thinks that every one that throws up is going to have a baby. The dog threw up a couple weeks back and he says "Hey, mom! Look! Teddy is gonna have a baby!" The other day, I was pretty much chained to the toilet. He tells me "Mom! Stop it! You're gonna throw up the baby!!" We explained that the baby is safe inside my uterus.

Jayme has decided that she's going to have a baby, too. She says it's going to be a giraffe and it will come out when she poops (sorry for the TMI but it was too funny to not share).

They are both rather excited. Isaiah says he wants a boy but he thinks it's a girl. Jayme, of course, wants it to be a girl. She says her name will be 'Princess.'

Plethora of Cuteness

I walked in the kitchen to find Isaiah dancing around, singing along with the radio to Your Man by Josh Turner. It made me smile pretty profusely.

We made a road on the carpet out of masking tape. 2 intersections. Yes. 2. It even goes into each of the kids rooms. When Jon got home, Isaiah told him that I'm super mom because I can build roads.

Jayme asked me to sing the Alligator song to her while she was going to sleep. Alligator song? Really? I asked her how it goes. She said she didn't know. I ended up singing "rock a by alligator in the tree top..." about a million times. Don't judge...it's the only thing I could come up with.

Another time, she asked me to sing the tree song. After going through every song I knew how to sing, we discovered that 'the tree song' is actually How He Loves Us by John Mark McMillan. I teared up a bit.

Jayme is super insistent on helping with the dishes...after every single meal. Which means the kitchen floor gets thoroughly soaked 3 times a day. That also means that the floor...at least by the sink, is always super clean. Yeeeah!

We're remodeling the bathroom. It's pretty disastrous right now. Both kids keep asking why Jon and I are breaking the bathroom. In other news, showering in the kids bathroom makes me feel like a giant.

Isaiah has started biting Jayme. A lot. The first time he got a very stern warning to never do it again. The second time, we brought out the bar soap with the intention of making him taste it. He smelled it, cried and said he would never bite her again. The third time (and so far, last time), he got his mouth washed out with soap. It's been 4 days and he hasn't bit her since. He was explaining it to Jayme. He tells her "I have to eat soap if I bite you so...I won't bite you anymore, I guess."

One night before bed, I was cuddling with Isaiah. Jon came in and shut off the light. Isaiah burst into tears. He said I had to go to my own bed to cuddle with Daddy because he loves me and he would get lonely. Sweetest thing ever.

Both kids have started to talk like me. I keep hearing "I have to pee like seabiscuit." I suppose I should watch my mouth.

We were talking about babies with a friend who's going to have a baby. We were talking about a mutual friend who is also having a baby. We were discussing what said baby was going to look like. Isaiah gave his opinion. "That baby is gonna come out all squished up, and with a HUUUUGE head."

Some of these might be inappropriate, but I'm blogging them so I can read them later and remember why I love my children so much. Because, lets face it. When one child is chasing the other with a bottle of Windex because she got with a toy whale, or when your son stretches out the cord on his toy phone across his bedroom and you trip on it, moderately injuring yourself...well, you need a little reminder.

Breakthrough

We all know I'm one of those people that lets music get the best of my emotions. A song might not be meant to mean what it means to me. It tugs on emotions that are rooted so deeply. Then, every time I hear it, my eyes fill with tears, and that achy feeling returns. It's been far too long since I've felt whole. The bitterness I keep finding puts my heart in a blender every time. 

I'm not sure how to let that go. I've been at a place of complete acceptance, or so I thought. Then it sneaks up on me. I'll find myself crying hot tears of pure anger. Then I have to start the process all over again. It seems I'm getting closer to closure...at least emotionally. It's just taking so much longer than I think it should. 

Perhaps that's self inflicted. If I could just be happy for them in their choices. Maybe not happy, but indifferent. A "they no longer concern me" state of mind...but they do concern me. Some how. Regardless of the discord they've caused.  

Knowing that the legal portion of this ordeal is nearly over, gives me a new sort of anxiousness. Maybe just a longing for. It doesn't mean the entire rejoining of our family...maybe not at all. But it gives the possibility of wholeness. Perhaps, I need to be able to feel whole without the desired ending in mind. I keep finding myself trying to replace that wholeness with busy-ness. It's not working so well. 

At this point, a breakthrough is inevitable. It has to be, right? I've chosen to let it go, but somehow, there is still a conflict within myself. This horrible migraine is proof of that. As the conflict works itself out, the migraine will make me sick. The breakthrough will hit, the headache will go away, and I will find myself on that the next step towards forgiveness and acceptance. I will see some new miracle God has brought through something I've viewed as a disaster. This is how it always happens. I'm seeing the pattern.

Now, I wait and pray. 

Pray for You

During our most recent trip to the zoo, a young man and woman walked up to me. They told me I was on their scavenger hunt. They told me they were sorry for interrupting my trip to the zoo, but that they needed to speak with me. The young woman showed me a piece of paper with a description of myself. Denim shorts, blue shirt, glasses, and pushing a stroller.

She told me they were on a Scavenger Hunt for God. When they got to the zoo that morning, they sat in their car praying. God gave them descriptions of people to pray for...and what exactly they needed prayer for. She told me I needed prayer for trust within my family relationships.

At this point, the tears started rolling. Things have yet to resolve themselves, by any means, and my heart still aches with the distrust of those I used to be so close to. A couple of close friends were at the zoo with me. They stared in awe, just as I did. How could these two complete strangers know what I needed prayer for except through God's gentle guidance...?

The young man asked if he could pray for me. I nodded yes, because words wouldn't come. He prayed for renewed trust, and the ability to forgive, and love without restraint. He prayed for strength in being a mother, and patience with whatever outcome God has designed. He told me that I am an incredible mother, and that I have the ability to reach the desires of my heart.

I told them thank you for listening to God, and thank you for praying for me. We went on with our zoo trip.

It has been a week since this encounter, and I can't stop thinking about it.

As the situation we're in unfolds, I will think back to that time to remember that God is with me. Always. And He has my back. Always.

You're Saying it Wrong

Isaiah has become quite the directive big brother. He tells Jayme how to put toys away. He tells her how to build the train tracks, and the 'garage houses' out of Lincoln logs. He tells her how to play in the bathtub, and he tells her how to brush her teeth. 

And today, he took on the challenge of telling her how to pronounce his name. 

It went something like this - 

Jayme says "Iaiah..."

Isaiah corrects her "No...my name is Isaiah."

Jayme "Iaiah??"

Isaiah "No! It's Isaiah!"

Jayme "IAIAH???"

Isaiah "No, Jayme! ISAIAH!!!!" 

Jayme "Iiiiiiiaiah???" 

Isaiah "Jayme! Say it right! ISAIAH! Isaiah."

By this time they're both near tears, and confused as to why the other can't understand them. I really shouldn't have let it go that far, but it was rather comical. He tried to sound it out for her. He tried saying it slower. He even tried to comfort her when she started pouting and whining.

Then a conversation in the car between the two of them. 

Isaiah says "Jayme, you're ugly!"

no response from Jayme...which frustrates Isaiah. 

A few minutes later, he asks her "Sister...do you love us?"

Jayme says "Yes. I love us."

Isaiah tells her "Okay. You're pretty."

I'm not quite sure what I would do without their antics. 

Redirecting an Urge of Violence

Normally, I'm not a violent person. I've had days where punching walls seemed like a good out, but I've had broken fingers, and wrists before...so I've opted to not punch drywall. Hitting people has never seemed like a good idea...even as a kid, (I'm sure my mother would beg to differ) I can only remember a couple of times, I purposely took a swing at someone. It was usually deserved, although, most definitely not justified.

Violence makes me sick to my stomach.

However, the last week or so has encouraged an urge to punch a couple of people in the throat...or ear. Again, deserved but not justified. Violence is never justified.

I'm not at liberty to discuss such events. Regardless, I'm having a hard time understanding how someone can be so hurtful towards people who have given them everything. Supported them even though they didn't necessarily agree with their actions. Loved them, regardless of their lack of a mutual support. Forgiven them. Continued to count them as family. Let me tell you...blood doesn't make you family.

Outstanding support, love, encouragement, and dedication, regardless of circumstances. That's family.

I've heard the whole "people do the best they can in the given circumstances..." bit, and I'm not buying it, this time. Call me arrogant, or ignorant...or any other host of insults. They won't hurt me. There's not much more hurt that can be done. The whole heart in a blender thing comes to mind...again.

We reached the point where tears are inevitable...not because of heartache, but because when one is that angry, tears flow regardless of any effort to prevent such a scene.

It feels like things have just sank to a level of pettiness, and revenge. They claim that they're doing the best for themselves. Sure...burn bridge. Go ahead. You're burning them beyond recognition at this point.

Then, there's the whole 'turn the other cheek' thing to consider. I'd just like to say that my cheeks have had all they can take. I can't imagine how the cheeks of those further involved are doing. Their pain radiates, although, they're doing a marvelous job at rising above.

I hold an utmost admiration for those who can set aside the backstabbing and pain. They don't hand out more chances. They just take the betrayal and turn it into a learning experience about who to trust and who not to trust.

Learning from those people is keeping me from punching walls...and people. Redirecting the heartache and anger into something productive.

In closure...taking out an urge for violence is much better directed at my keyboard, and blog, then at people who might actually deserve it.

The Mommy

What does 'Mom' really mean?

We have the actual definition -

A term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.

Then, we have what the majority of society sees a mother as -

Staying at home with her small children, watching soap operas, and pigging out on junk food all day. Sometimes, doing chores, or housework throughout the day, then running around like mad, trying to get the house clean, and dinner cooked before her spouse gets home.

And what children view their mother as -

The finder of lost objects. The cooker of meals. The tie-er of shoes. The narrator of stories. The master of cuddles. The source of all nagging. The giver of baths. The hand holder. The boss. The rule maker.

And last but not least, what a mother really is/does -

All of the above.

There are days when all the kids and I do is watch movies and eat cereal out of the box.

There are days when I feel like super mom. Having accomplished more in 2 hours than most accomplish all day.

There are days when I feel like a complete and utter failure. Like the day when my 4 year old, very humbly, informed me that I was being a jerk. But he was right, and I'm proud of him for telling me.

All of those days are, in their own way, quite wonderful. I know that the day will end and we can start over tomorrow. I also feel a pride in the fact that my son feels secure enough to tell me when he thinks I'm out of line, and most impressively, without being disrespectful.

That makes me feel like I am what a mother should be. It makes me feel I've earned the right to be called "Mommy.'

Even though at the end of the day, there is, sometimes, poop smeared on the walls, and boogers crusted to kids faces, and I've yelled much more than I've showed the love a mother should show, I love being a mommy.

I love these crazy, loud, beautiful, wonderful, and sometimes, obnoxious children.