It's pretty common knowledge that my 3 youngest siblings and I haven't seen each other since the middle of November. Before these months, we haven't gone more than 10 consecutive days without seeing each other. It's been rather difficult. Having someone as a daily part of your life, then not being able to see them or talk to them at all, without so much as a warning. Especially knowing they're just miles away. Difficult is an understatement, I'll venture to say.
In the beginning it wasn't too bad. I figured interviews would come and go, and life would return to normal. After acknowledging that was not the case, it was heart breaking, and devastating. Especially when Isaiah would ask for them.
There were bad weeks, where all I wanted to do was drive over and see them. Even if just for a minute. I knew that would make the situation worse. So I didn't. The bad weeks subsided.
There were bad days. Days where I would reminisce and wallow. Grieve if you will - with the knowledge that things would never go back to how they were. Then we had one very bad day, where I did drive by. I didn't stop. That would be stupid. Well...driving by was stupid too. I suppose I just wanted to be closer to them for a second.
Now, it is mostly down to just bad moments here and there. I'll get choked up and let a tear or two slide. Then I screw the cap back on. Mostly subconsciously...I think. That or I am just adjusting to how it is for now.
I'm pretty sure I don't want to not miss them. As miserable as missing someone under circumstances such as these is, it carries the faith that we'll be reunited. Sooner or later.
And I've decided to welcome the dreams about them. Daniels sarcasm carries even through the realm of sleep. Oh, that boy. What I would give to hear one of his lame yo mama jokes right now.
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