Another Note

Things have taken another turn. How I wish it could just be quiet and boring for awhile. I have so many things to say, and I could say them but it's not time yet. I have a feeling it will be soon, but I'm trying to not get my hopes up. So we will resort to notes via blog hoping that she'll see it one way or another. Yelling in person seems it would be more effective, but we know why that isn't going to happen. It's worked in the past to make her listen. But like I said. Not yet. I'd rather not make a scene anyway.  Okay - Enough with my mindless chatter.

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I've said it once and I'll say it again. This is ridiculous! In a few months...or maybe years [since you've proved how thick that head of yours is] you'll see how much this is hurting those around you. God brings beauty out of every situation and I see it on the daily. But not seeing you and not spending time with you has shattered a part of my world. I miss you so much it hurts. That, too, has been said before. Your choices have caused quite a bit of chaos and pain. I know that it will never go back to how it was. You've made damn sure of that. I love you to the moon and back. If I didn't, I wouldn't want to beat the crap out of your right now. I know. I know. No violence. I would just like to say, you need to pull that beautiful head of yours out of your butt, and realize who you are. And the circumstances you've put yourself in. You are my sister. Always and forever, no matter what.

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Okay, so I know the chances of her seeing this are slim to none, but that doesn't change anything. When we finally do overcome this, I will love her without fail, like always. I know she won't need to see my anger and hurt. She'll need to see my love and compassion. I'm a softy. We know this. I'm overwhelmed with love for her. The sadness has faded, through sleep and prayer, but somehow anger has taken it's place. That too will fade. I'm letting it run it's course. Sometimes we have to feel the sadness and the anger to be able to find acceptance and peace, again.