Some Stuff

I am at terms with my life right now. In this moment, I am understanding that God is taking me where I need to go. The road is just a bit different than I expected. I'm not exactly comfortable. And I'm a little bit confused at times. I suppose we aren't meant to understand every thing all the time though. I sure as hell don't understand things right now. Not in the least. But I know He does.

I've heard this song quite a few times over the past few days. It just seems to fit right now.

Whatever you're doing - Sanctus Real

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...

(Chorus)
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out.


I know it's time to start focusing on what I have instead of what I don't. So, I have 5 people in my life that I'm prohibited from being in contact with for the time being. But I also have countless people in my life that are there to support me, love me, encourage me, and push me through this time. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel is just incredibly long right now. 


Last week, I started running again. Which in turn means, I've started sleeping better, in spurts, and not every night, but better still. Yesterday, I bought a jogging stroller. Why in the world is it so complicated to put together baby items. And sometimes there are pieces left over even though you follow the instructions exactly. 


Anyway, the running thing is being so helpful. Hard days are inevitable. I know this, but at least while I'm running I can clear my mind, and make a bit of sense out of things. But since I'm running again this means my pants don't fit again. Oy.


We celebrated Jon's 25th Birthday, last night. And also the anniversary of our first date 5 years ago. We ate dinner, talked for an hour, then went to a movie. I love that after 5 years with him, I still get butterflies when he kisses me. And we still haven't ran out of things to talk about. Also, I love when he gives me piggy back rides. 


Isaiah turned 3 this past Sunday. How has 3 years gone by so quickly? He is such an immense blessing to me. On Saturday he went to the store with Jon. They bought me home flowers. Isaiah says "Here, mom! Here! Flowers for yooou!!" He about made me cry. Precious boy. He still calls milk "Gulk." We've tried and tried to get him to say it correctly but he's rather insistent. And instead of "I love you.' he says "I lub lou." Jon has started asking him "Who the heck is Lou???" Isaiah finds it rather humorous. 


And last but not least, little miss Janice-May is walking! Which in turn means she is MUCH less cranky. She still has her moments, but now that she can chase Isaiah around she's a happy little thing. 


I'm counting my blessings...they seem to be more than I can count.